This could be trouble.
I received a rather interesting email in my Gmail inbox today:
Blogger Support < email@example.com > to me
It has come to our attention that your blog is generating quite a bit of
traffic. First off, congratulations! We are always happy to see our
users achieving success in their pursuits, and we hope you've been satisfied
with the service provided by Blogger.
However, we have encountered a problem with one of your blogs: The
We have a monitoring program which looks for suspicious spikes in bandwidth at
certain blogs, which is usually an indicator of illicit activity. So when
the program informed us of a spike in your bandwidth usage,
we investigated your blog for any evidence that you were engaged
in activities outside our Terms of Service.
We were relieved to discover that you had not, in fact, violated the Terms
of Service, but we are still somewhat concerned by the heavy load your blog
has put on our servers. The amount of bandwidth being used by
your blog is disproportionally large, and in order to commit more of our
resources to the task of ensuring fast load time for your pages, we needed
justification from the content of the blog itself. It is on this matter
that we felt the need to address you in a formal email.
As you are probably aware, Blogger is home to many high-traffic blogs in
addition to the many, many low traffic blogs we support. In all previous
cases, high-traffic blogs have been associated with topics which are widely
accepted as relevant and supplemental to the overarching social discourse.
This includes topics such as politics, mainstream media entertainment, and
homo-erotic firemen. However, in our investigation of your blog, we were
surprised to discover that your express purpose for writing was the generation
and elaboration of literary criticism on webcomics.
To put it simply, we do not view this topic as legitimate enough to justify
our continued support of the massive bandwidth your site requires. It is
widely known that webcomics are nothing more than the amateurish chicken-scratch
of hack artists without enough talent to become properly syndicated. To
make the claim that such boorish creations can even be subjected to proper
literary criticism is utterly preposterous. Therefore, your blog is
clearly not supplementing social discourse in any way, shape, or form, but
simlpy pandering to deluded, geekish fanboys who only see the light of
day if they attend a comic book convention which happens to
be held in a convention center with skylights.
However, this does not mean we are simply cutting off service to your
blog. Rather, we have a series of restrictions which you must put into
effect immediately. If you comply with the restrictions, we will allow you
to continue posting on The Webcomicker. However, if you violate any of
these conditions, we will be forced to close down your blog and remove it from
- You must refrain from storing thumbnail images of the comics you are
reviewing on the Blogger servers. Instead, direct-link to the image
on the original webcomic site. While this will cause the bandwidth costs
for each comic you review to skyrocket, we feel this will actually result in an
overall improvement of the internet by driving many of these no-talent
hacks of the internet. In fact, we suggest you direct-link as many comics
as you can.
- You must refrain from using more than 500 words in any given post.
Seriously. Who wants to read a 1400+ word post about a subpar comic
changing from one subpar artist to another subpar artist anyways? We've
got a word for that here at Blogger: insipid.
- You must talk about subjects other than webcomics and webcomics-related
news. We were pleased to see that in many posts you complain about a lack
of free time in your life, suggesting that you do know something about how to
blog properly, but a vast majority of your posts are simply wasted space, filled
with the "insulating foam" of mental masturbation thinly veiled as legitimate
criticism. You may use any of the following starting lines to begin a more
appropriate blog post: "George Bush is a flaming retard...", "George Bush is
trying to take over the world and hates gays and hates black people and wants us to worship him as a god and he's really the devil...", "X-men3 is gunna
roXorZ...", and "As I felting his pulsating member pressed up against my
- If you must talk about comics, at least talk about good comics,
like The Family Circus, or Momma.
We thank you for your time and consideration in this matter, and hope to
continue to have a good relationship with you under these new restrictions.
-The Blogger Support Team
So I guess we'll be seeing some changes around here starting today. You just can't fight City Hall, you know?
So... uh, George Bush is a retard.